House Guest Rules (or how not to really piss me off)

This week we have had our second set of house guests, who have been rather more of a challenge than our first visitors. Consequently, now seems a good time to outline what we (I) are expecting from house guests. Also, they can't really use the internet.

Basic house guest etiquette:

1. You're on holiday - we get it. But we're not - we (Bruce) can't take the whole week off.
2. I'm not your tour guide - don't expect me to take you wherever you want to go every single day.
3. This isn't a hotel - it's reasonable to offer to help with cooking, the dishes, walk with me to the supermarket, make your own cup of tea every once in a while. We'll probably decline... but it will make us feel a whole lot better that you've offered.
4. Don't constantly keep the door to "your" room and "your" bathroom shut - the cats are used to having the run of the house.
5. That's not "your" balcony either.
6. Don't shut yourself up on "your" balcony to enjoy the view, while I make your lunch/wait around for you to grace me with your presence.
7. Don't spend all of dinner commenting constantly on what the cats are doing.... yes, Daisy is sitting on the chair. Yes, she is still sitting on the chair. Yes, she does look cute.
8. Don't be weird and suggest that food we get here is all that different to what you would have back at home... fajitas are not something you should really get around to trying (surely everyone has been eating those for years and years) and making tuna and sweetcorn with mayo isn't exactly revolutionary!
9. Don't embarrass us in public places - having a strop at the bus stop or causing a scene because you wanted to press the button for the bus stop (when you didn't even know which stop we wanted) is unacceptable.
10. If we are out having coffee, don't randomly decide to go and sit at another table half way through without saying anything to us. That is just plain rude. Also, don't accuse us of being drunk - you're a lot less irritating if we've had a bit of wine. 
11. Don't tell us what we should and shouldn't pay for - we're obviously paying way more than half anyway so don't make a big deal out of the fact that you bought me a coffee (you should see my Lindos receipts!). And although I am not working (yet!), it's kind of rude to just thank Bruce when we pay for something.
12. Wear sunscreen - and don't not put ANY on for a week and then refuse to believe you have gotten sunburnt. ARE YOUR SHOULDERS USUALLY DARK RED?!

And in return:

1. We'll be more than happy to show you around this beautiful island that we have the pleasure of living on for a couple of years.
2. We won't play the game of giving you the finger when you're not looking.
3. I won't write a blog post about you.

If you can follow the above rules, you're more than welcome to come and stay for as long as you like (5 nights max).