YES MICHIGAN!

As anyone that has spent time outside of work with Bruce will know, he is particularly fond of t-shirts with US references on - from cities to sports teams. Understandably, wearing these while on vacation in the US sparks a lot of interesting conversations...

Here are three incidents from our most recent trip:

1. The "Say Yes to Michigan" shirt

Guy in his late 20s stops Bruce and asks if he minds if he takes a photo of him. Because his girlfriend is from Michigan and she'd love his t-shirt. He apologised for being weird. I said that was not as weird as the fact that Bruce has never even been to Michigan.

Wearing this shirt usually prompts people to shout YES at Bruce as well.

2. The Packers shirt

Middle aged guy with son says "I hear [insert football player's name here} got beat up pretty bad last night" to Bruce. Bruce responds by saying he didn't actually see the game and then reveals to me that he's never even heard of the player.

I can only assume that the guy was also pretty surprised by Bruce's accent!

Wearing this shirt usually prompts people to shout GO PACKERS at Bruce. Of course, the next day he'll probably be wearing a Buffalo Bills shirt. No favourites here!

3. The NYC shirt

The first class lounge at JFK is pretty nice. It was basically full of businessmen off on trips to Europe for the week ahead - i.e. looking pretty smart. I was the only female in there for about two hours. We looked a state and I think it would be fair to say that I'm probably the first person ever to sit in that lounge catching up on TOWIE for 3 hours straight.

But Bruce was wearing his NYC t-shirt... so looked very much the tourist!

Hurricane living

6 months ago....

Bruce: I mean, they do get hurricanes but not that often. We'd be unlucky to be there when one hits.... the last bad one was Fabian...

6 months later...

We got two in the space of a week


Hurricane living

• Is not remotely fun - when it actually hits it's really scary (I was convinced our windows were going to blow in), and being stuck inside while hurricane force winds hit for 24 hours is horrid.
• You might need to board your windows up... the whole of the front our house was boarded up so it was very dark indeed.  
• The emergency radio station is amazing - I was expecting a lot of classic hits, but it was an interesting mix, including some rap!
• People do stupid things in a storm - emergency services had to go out in the middle of Gonzalo because someone was using a gas BBQ indoors... big mistake!
• Eating by candlelight post-hurricane is sort of fun for one evening.... but after that not so much!
• You might end up having to shower at your husband's workplace.
• You'll probably get a day off work - which sounds great, but not when you have no power at home and wanted to use the showers at work!
• It's very possible to be without power (or lights as Bermudians would say!) for three weeks
• Pretty much everyone loves Belco.  
• It's an excellent way to bond with your coworkers - mine now know my name, what I do, what my "boyfriend" does and that I only work part time.
• It's also about the only time Bermuda makes the UK news.... although somehow it was in the Caribbean... the facts about the storm were wrong and they misspelled Bermudian. Pretty shocking given that Bermuda is a British Overseas Territory.
• The UK have a warship that basically moves around the Caribbean/Bermuda to help out in hurricane season. When interviewed on the emergency radio station, the interviewer was more interested in the massive drugs haul they had picked up on their previous stop. And they got a nice bottle of dark to thank them for their assistance with the clear up!
• The island looks so different to how it did a month ago - much browner where it used to be ever so green!
• Some cats are braver than others. Bert really hurt his nose in Gonzalo (trying to hide from the storm)... it's still not back to normal.

Hurricane cuisine

• In a hurricane, pretty much anything constitutes a decent meal - I don't think Bruce would normally let me buy spaghetti hoops!
• Tinned fruit and custard or rice pudding is AMAZING when eaten in the eye of the storm in a small bathroom with your cats.
• Red wine is an essential.

Bermy: it's not for everyone

As everyone we saw while we were back in the UK will already know, Bruce is somewhat more fond of island life than I am. Apparently he shocked one of his colleagues by saying that his favourite thing about living in Bermuda was that he gets to spend more time with his wife... so although I am not allowed to come home anytime soon, I guess that's nice.

Rubbish things about Bermuda

• The weather - sweaty faces is not an attractive look
• It's TINY
• There's an awful lot of golf courses for people that don't like golf (me)
• Ants
• Cockroaches
• Spiders (everywhere at the moment - our house looks like we've started decorating for Halloween already)
• Skinks
• A lot of tourists
• No Starbucks/Costa/Caffe Nero
• Our phones think we are in Bogota
• $10 strawberries (a new record!)
• Cats (well, one in particular) are getting chubby in the hot weather
• No snow - in fact, basically no cold weather whatsoever. Currently it is 25C in my lounge and that's chilly... cardigan weather!

Amazing things about Bermuda

• It's a whole lot prettier than the UK
• We get the ferry to work
• They play "Proud to be Bermudian" in arrivals at the airport
• X Factor came here to film a judge's house episode
• Michael Douglas is basically our neighbour (well... down the road at least!)
• Delicious local lobster
• The pool
• Our lovely new car - we've called it Bucky (short for Starbucks as the color is "Caffe Mocha")
• Bruce is getting his BA gold card next week - first class lounges here we come!
• Less than 2 hours to New York
• We've been here for seven months and we've only just had to order gas
• And, ummmm. no tax...  

The end of one "lobster" season in Bermuda... and the start of another...

Yesterday was the last Harbour Nights of 2014, which is when the shops in town stay open late, there are craft stalls all along Front Street and the Gombeys perform as well. It's quite good fun, but really aimed at tourists - watching tourists ride their bikes (motor) along when the road is shut to traffic is also quite entertaining.

Anyway, as one "lobster" season draws to a close, the Bermuda lobster season has just begun. Catching, cooking or eating local spiny lobster is banned from 1 April - 31 August each year to protect them from overfishing. At the end of March, the Lobster Pot restaurant in town was packed with people eating the last Bermuda lobster for five months. Obviously, you can still get Maine lobster which has been shipped in even when its not lobster season.

Even in season, the rules on lobster fishing are very strict - you can only catch them in certain places and only using certain methods (with a noose). It's illegal to fish for lobster using scuba equipment so you have to free dive and you are not allowed to use a spear either and if they are carrying eggs you have to put them back. With a personal lobster licence you can catch up to two lobster per person per day only. You're also not allowed to kill them out at sea because the authorities might want to check them - and there's a fine of up to $50,000 if you break the rules apparently!

Note: a "lobster" is a local derogatory term for a tourist, but not because of the sunburn... it's because "all de meat is in de tail". Perhaps a bit harsh given that obesity is as big a problem here as it is in the US.

Keeping it real at Alinea

While we were in Chicago last week (amazing city - go now!), we went to Alinea for dinner. Bruce was almost as excited about this as he was about Eleven Madison Park, but about halfway through the meal he agreed with me that it was better than Eleven Madison Park (although I don't think he has had a dream about any of the Alinea staff yet!).

The food was as delicious as Eleven Madison Park, but much more inventive. I was a bit worried it was going to be completely bizarre from start to finish when the second course was salsify with branch camouflage - basically a big wreath of branches with two pieces of salsify twisted around it that you had to find. And the salsify was dehydrated and made to look like branch too. Most of the other courses had slightly less bulky decoration.

The mini camp fire that arrived with the take out course was actually our beef for the following course - they wrap the wagyu in seaweed and then it stays perfectly cooked but picking up a bit of the smoky flavour from the fire.

A particular highlight was the green apple balloon that you had to suck the helium out of and then eat - totally ridiculous, but very entertaining. The guy on the table next to me took a photo of me eating mine, which was rather awkward (Bruce didn't notice because he was too busy getting balloon off his face), but he was also highly entertaining because he kept falling asleep during dinner.

The other ridiculous course was the final dessert course - they cover the table with a special tablecloth and one of the chefs comes out of the kitchen and prepares your dessert on the table... which was huge! We are pretty sure that Bruce managed to dip his sleeve in some of the violet syrup.

Basically, there are only two things wrong with Alinea:

1. They don't have a full bar so you can't have a cocktail.
2. It's not in Bermuda.

 
It should absolutely be rated higher than 9 on the San Pellegrino list - I mean DINNER is at number five, and I've yet to meet anyone that seriously rates that (and meat fruit is so 2011).

Yes, that is the chef giving me a thumbs up while I try not to spit out the sea urchin that I didn't know was on my plate: fun times at Rogue 24

From walking down a deserted alley to the restaurant, some yummy courses and some not so yummy courses (and what felt like quite a lot of wine), our meal at Rogue 24 was pretty good. Surprisingly for Bruce, it wasn't even his favourite meal in DC though - we both loved our meal at Blue Duck Tavern, but that's partly to do with the fact that they had Honig on the wine list... my favourite wine ever and you never see it in the UK.

Some highlights and lowlights from Rogue 24:

• The head chef is actually there - in fact he was within about 5m of me for most of our meal!
• He also brings you food, comments on your accent and will give you a thumbs up mid-meal.
• At one point, he actually joined another table for about half an hour. One of the girls on that table left the restaurant with the Rogue 24 symbol drawn on her arm in pen. Perhaps he knew them already?! This guy is meant to be really shy!
• A wine pairing is pretty much compulsory - but I usually end up at least a glass behind because I drink too slowly... so it's a constant game of catch up. Bruce did not have this issue.
• The chef appears to be a little spume obsessed... but then with a 24 course menu, you probably do have to repeat some techniques. Or maybe he just loves spume.
• The restaurant was quite noisy (because we are hip and cool so we go to that type of place), so we couldn't always hear the description of what we were about to eat - this led to the sea urchin incident.... I thought it was sturgeon! If the chef hadn't been looking at me, I probably would have spat it out... the next course couldn't come quickly enough.
• The loos were of the dark and dingy cool variety - a bit like the ones at Dabbous and a bit of a challenge!

But still 20 out of 24 courses ain't bad...

Our hotel (The Jefferson) was also a bit of a mixed bag... some stuff was really nice - iced tea on arrival etc - but the doormen were a joke. I have never opened the main door for myself so often in a fancy hotel! Definitely would not recommend, especially as the location is a little out of the way, although it does have a really high TripAdvisor rating. Then again, I have never posted a review on TripAdvisor so maybe that's a reflection on the taste of the people that bother to post one?! Does anyone post reviews on TripAdvisor?!

This weekend: pretending we are in The West Wing, Starbucks and a 24-course meal

Over the summer, you can fly direct to Washington DC from Bermuda so we are off to DC this weekend. As we are huge West Wing fans, we will, no doubt, spend the weekend reminiscing about letting Bartlett be Bartlett and deciding that we need to watch all seven series all the way through again. Incidentally, if anyone is missing West Wing, you should try watching Suits... it has a Josh/Donna storyline (where the girl is actually called Donna - amaze!), which was, obviously, the very best thing about West Wing anyway.

We are also going to a load of museums and we'll obviously be getting at least a daily hit of Starbucks and at least one trip to Shake Shack. I am curious to see if Bruce can order a coffee properly again now, but it is a whole month since we were in New York.

It should go without saying that Bruce has also managed to sneak a fancy and long meal into the itinerary. This time I think it might be even longer - a 24-course "Journey" at Rogue 24. After today, I'm not going to speak to Bruce about anything other than essential matters (have you fed the cats?) until the meal.

Also, we were telling Erica that we use coloured sticky dots to mark where we are going on maps - right down to green dots for conveniently located Starbucks - apparently that's weird?!

With adverts like these, why go anyplace else?

As the World Cup is being shown on a local channel in Bermuda, we have been enjoying our first viewing of a lot of Bermudian adverts. It turns out a lot of them are hilarious - we particularly like the Bermuda Air Conditioning adverts with the Men in Blue.

So this afternoon I decided to have a look at some older Bermudian adverts, and it's a lot more entertaining than watching England lose. Some of my favourite examples are for Lindos (where I do my daily shopping):

Lindos - Caught Dancing

Lindos - Superman

Lindos - Bermuda Bobsled Team

And there are loads more... but the absolute best thing is that they actually made a DVD with the Lindos adverts on and outtakes etc... DVD trailer

And if you're having a really bad day, this advert is about as ridiculous/absurd as it gets... in fact, I feel like this can't possibly have been aired on tv!

Chatterbox Café

We actually quite like this café - haven't been there on a Wednesday yet though!

House Guest Rules (or how not to really piss me off)

This week we have had our second set of house guests, who have been rather more of a challenge than our first visitors. Consequently, now seems a good time to outline what we (I) are expecting from house guests. Also, they can't really use the internet.

Basic house guest etiquette:

1. You're on holiday - we get it. But we're not - we (Bruce) can't take the whole week off.
2. I'm not your tour guide - don't expect me to take you wherever you want to go every single day.
3. This isn't a hotel - it's reasonable to offer to help with cooking, the dishes, walk with me to the supermarket, make your own cup of tea every once in a while. We'll probably decline... but it will make us feel a whole lot better that you've offered.
4. Don't constantly keep the door to "your" room and "your" bathroom shut - the cats are used to having the run of the house.
5. That's not "your" balcony either.
6. Don't shut yourself up on "your" balcony to enjoy the view, while I make your lunch/wait around for you to grace me with your presence.
7. Don't spend all of dinner commenting constantly on what the cats are doing.... yes, Daisy is sitting on the chair. Yes, she is still sitting on the chair. Yes, she does look cute.
8. Don't be weird and suggest that food we get here is all that different to what you would have back at home... fajitas are not something you should really get around to trying (surely everyone has been eating those for years and years) and making tuna and sweetcorn with mayo isn't exactly revolutionary!
9. Don't embarrass us in public places - having a strop at the bus stop or causing a scene because you wanted to press the button for the bus stop (when you didn't even know which stop we wanted) is unacceptable.
10. If we are out having coffee, don't randomly decide to go and sit at another table half way through without saying anything to us. That is just plain rude. Also, don't accuse us of being drunk - you're a lot less irritating if we've had a bit of wine. 
11. Don't tell us what we should and shouldn't pay for - we're obviously paying way more than half anyway so don't make a big deal out of the fact that you bought me a coffee (you should see my Lindos receipts!). And although I am not working (yet!), it's kind of rude to just thank Bruce when we pay for something.
12. Wear sunscreen - and don't not put ANY on for a week and then refuse to believe you have gotten sunburnt. ARE YOUR SHOULDERS USUALLY DARK RED?!

And in return:

1. We'll be more than happy to show you around this beautiful island that we have the pleasure of living on for a couple of years.
2. We won't play the game of giving you the finger when you're not looking.
3. I won't write a blog post about you.

If you can follow the above rules, you're more than welcome to come and stay for as long as you like (5 nights max).

Help, my husband won't stop talking about the waiter from Eleven Madison Park!

Inevitably, Bruce completely loved everything about Eleven Madison Park. He loved WD~50 too, but says it was the service that really set EMP apart... particularly the "captain", who was in charge of our group of six tables. Personally, I preferred the sommelier... we both agreed that he was very dishy!

Ridiculous things that occurred during dinner:

• We were given an envelope on arrival and a letter opener - this contained two cards for us to punch out our preferred flavour (cherry, strawberry, celery or coffee). This selection determined what flavour soda accompanied the deli sandwich course and also the sauce that came with the baked alaska at the end of the meal. Turns out coffee soda is absolutely delicious.
• Each course comes with a mini speech from the waiter about what this has to do with New York. The overwhelming majority of ingredients are from New York state, with the exception of the English peas.
• They made a Waldorf salad tableside, including cutting and grating the apple (in a fancy antique grater) . This replaces the well-known (if you read all the food blogs) carrot tartare course.
• They kept bringing things out to show us... pig's bladder in which the asparagus was cooked, whole duck with all the spices and lavender, baked alaska (for tableside flaming) etc. Either they are showing the same duck to a lot of tables and secretly munching on the leftover baked alaska in the kitchen, or there's a whole lot of food waste going on here.  
• They have their own beer brewed for the picnic cheese course.
• The promised magic trick did not materialise.
• The restaurant has a complicated system of hand gestures and a designated priority/route for staff - I quite enjoyed trying to decipher this.  
• If you get up to go to the restroom, they don't just shake out and refold your napkin. They bring a totally fresh one.
• Apparently if you aren't developing a good rapport with your waiter, they will switch so you have someone else. I kind of wanted to be really difficult and grumpy with them to see if we would get a switch!
• The bill was handwritten, in the most beautiful handwriting I have ever seen.

Some annoying observations:

• Why do all fancy restaurants have oyster on the tasting menu?! I tried it at WD~50 (being brave and trying things I don't eat because I think I hate them)... absolutely horrifically revolting! At EMP, I got them to switch it for me.
• The seating at both WD~50 and EMP was nice, but my feet didn't touch the floor. It's like no one ever thinks about the short people out there... my solution would be to put a foot rest bar on the bench seating - problem solved! Someone needs to sort this out, especially when the meal takes such a long time.
• The restroom at EMP was sub-standard for the star rating. Apparently the men's was super nice, but the ladies was distinctly average. Could do better, EMP!

Bruce already wants to go back. At least we have an Alinea reservation for July... which means we will have eaten at four of the top ten restaurants in the world (Dinner and The Ledbury in London being the other two).

Let's gatecrash a wedding this weekend...

Fun facts from the Fodor's Bermuda guidebook:

• "Most major airlines offer non-stop services to [Bermuda]" - well, that's stretching the truth a little (American, US Airways, Delta, Jet Blue, Continental, BA, Air Canada is all) and where would you stop en route?! 
• "As soon as it starts to rain, Bermudians talk at length about whether it's a passing shower or "tank rain.""... completely accurate, I get super excited when it rains now and immediately put the washing machine and dishwasher on!
• "You won't get very far in Bermuda until you learn the unwritten rule of greeting complete strangers with a "Good Morning" or a "Good Afternoon," followed quickly with "How are you?""... completely accurate... I've seen a bus driver refuse to give tourists directions until they said Good Afternoon; it was super awkward.
• "Locals love reading the marriage and death notices in the paper, as weddings and funerals are huge affairs with plenty of gate-crashers. It doesn't matter whether you know the person or not, it is simply assumed that any church service has an open door policy." ... Erica, is this true?!

This weekend will mainly be spent eating (or waiting for the next course)

We are off to New York on Saturday to celebrate Bruce's 30th - all very exciting as it's our first off island trip and I haven't been shopping for three whole months. Today we had our pre-dining email from Eleven Madison Park reminding us that we will be having an "extended tasting menu" and that dinner will last approximately 210 minutes...

Last time I sat through quite such a lengthy dinner with Bruce was on our honeymoon at Ossiano in Dubai and I found it incredibly frustrating that you basically had to wait 15 - 20 minutes for each mouthful of food. I was sorely tempted to ask if they would mind bringing three courses at once. Naturally, Bruce loved it.

So, anyway, I've learned my lesson regarding excessively long "dining experiences" so here are my top tips for getting through it:

1. Have a reasonable lunch... it might be a long meal, but it's unlikely to be filling for at least the first 120 minutes
2. Store up some conversation topics... 210 minutes is a really long time
3. Ideally, go with more than one person
4. Wear a comfortable dress (I made that mistake last time)
5. Ditto with shoes
6. Wear a watch so you can check how you're doing for time

Bruce assures me that Eleven Madison Park will actually be amazing, but, then again, me agreeing to sit through it without complaining is his 30th birthday present (plus he gets 45 minutes in a huge board game shop in NYC) and let's not forget that he loved Ossiano anyway!

Apparently Eleven Madison Park do magic tricks at your table and, at the end of the meal, they leave you with a bottle of cognac... how bad can it be?!

How hard can it be to get a driver's licence?

I hated learning to drive in the UK and I haven't driven a car since I passed my test (which I did only on an automatic anyway and that was 5 years ago!). Bermuda does not recognize overseas driving licences, so we have to take the tests again over here to drive a car/scooter. This involves the following:

1. Download an application form and a form for your doctor to fill out
2. Go to your Bermudian doctor and get them to fill out the form - this includes checking your eyes, listening to your chest etc... pretty thorough! That bit also costs $90.
3. Get a copy of the Traffic Code Handbook - which is only available from the Traffic Control Department... which isn't in the centre of town (i.e. hard to get to if you don't drive!).
4. Learn the contents of the book, which, firstly, does not cover every question you could get on the theory test, and, secondly, includes some pretty major left/right errors. I studied a lot for the test (well, I don't have much else to do) and I know I didn't get 100% on my test - apparently the correct response to someone cutting in in front of you is to get their license plate number, rather than do not retaliate. The TCD Handbook tells you not to retaliate, but apparently that's not the right answer in the exam. 
5. Go to the TCD (not in the centre of town) to sit the theory test, then queue up to pay for your learner's licence and then queue up for a third time to get your photo taken for the licence. All in all, that took about 2 hours (the test took me about 10 minutes).
6. Now we can learn to drive... but it turns out that driving instructors will only pick you up from TCD for lessons... argh! So to get to a driving lesson from home, I would need to leave about an hour and a half to be sure to get to my lesson on time...

Another brilliantly frustrating rule is that you can only hire a small bike unless you have a licence and you can't buy one at all until you have a licence. But to be able to ride  a bike over 50ccs, you have to take your test on one... which is at TCD on the outskirts of town. This means you 1) can't practice for your test unless you have a nice friend who will let you borrow their bike and practice at TCD on a weekend (but they would have to ride it there for you), and 2) have to borrow one for your test and get someone to ride it there for you. NIGHTMARE.

Faucet water's fine thanks...

Although Bermuda is meant to be more English than England - due to the overt politeness... you can say thank you about five times just to buy a stamp - I reckon it's actually much more American than British. Sure, they drive on the left, the road signs are like British ones (although there is a cool one for warning golf carts, which I've never seen in the UK!) and the post boxes are red, but apart from that, it is very American:

• We're spending dollars - and yes they are Bermudian dollars, but it's a 1:1 conversation with USD and you can spend US dollars here too.
• We walk along the sidewalk, call people on their cellphones, order appetizers and entrees in restaurants... but I think a tap is still a tap... I've never really worked out if in a restaurant (even in the US) you can ask for "faucet water"? Does anyone know?! If not, I might have to try it.
• Almost all the food in the supermarket is from the US, although there are some UK brands around too (we randomly have Asda horseradish sauce and harissa paste).
• The regular English cheddar (which costs about $7) is absolutely revolting.
• If you're flying to the US, you clear US customs here, so you're treated as a domestic arrival when you land.
• The TV is American - ours thinks it's in Florida (Florida local news seems to be a whole lot more dramatic).

.... oh and the other day Bruce felt the need to explain to me that a flight from Bermuda to Washington DC was an international flight.... unlike London to Madrid.

But you do believe in God, right?

Bermuda is, without doubt, the most religious country I have ever been to. There are more churches per capita than anywhere else in the world here and for a huge selection of Christian denominations - and they seem to be really well attended as well. We have had a few slightly awkward conversations with locals who clearly fully expect us to be churchgoers - even Bruce's boss was encouraging us to go to his church.

There's also a HUGE selection of bibles, bible covers and religious texts in the bookstore - and you can even get religious crossword puzzles and wordsearches. It's not rare to see someone reading the bible on the bus, or working their way through a biblical wordsearch.

The other day some Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on the door and I had a very awkward chat with them - I said I was an atheist and the response I got was "But you do believe in God, right?", whilst gesturing to the trees and the clear blue sky. Cue a rather awkward pause. In the end, I took a leaflet on stress and they went on their way.

I'm scared there might be a shark in the swimming pool

I have a shark phobia and, at the same time, a strange fascination with them. I have a feeling it all began when I watched Deep Blue Sea - terrifying. In my second year of university, I watched a Channel 5 programme called Shark Attack - Live! which was on every night for a week. That programme showed not only a ton of shark attack footage, but also explained how they eat you (either they grab you and shake you to death, or they pick off your limbs one by one - either way, pretty scary). As a result, I am very cautious about swimming in the sea and won't go deeper that shoulder height - a rule I also impose on Bruce.

Clearly, this might be an issue in Bermuda, but I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that there hasn't been a shark attack off Bermuda in the past 50 years. Now that should set my mind at rest... except...

• Speaking to Bruce's boss about my shark fears, he reassuringly informed me that he has been on the island for more than 10 years, and has only seen a shark ONCE. Bruce immediately told him that my reaction would have been much better if he had just said he had never seen a shark.
• At the Bermuda Underwater Exploration Institute, one of the exhibits allows you to experience a shark attack. Why on earth would anyone want to do that?
• The supermarket's website includes a link to Lindos Shark Tracker... it turns out they sponsored a tiger shark being tracked, along with a load of other Bermudian companies... argh! According to Wikipedia, "the tiger shark is responsible for a large percentage of fatal attacks and is regarded as one of the most dangerous shark species". Plus, in Hawaii, these sharks have been seen in water as shallow as 10 feet.

So I think my fear of the sharks lurking in the sea waiting to eat me is totally justified. But for some reason, Bruce thinks it is completely ridiculous that I am a bit scared there's a shark in our swimming pool...

... that is not as stupid as it sounds. Our swimming pool is painted black rather than blue, so when you are in it, it is basically as though you are just swimming in inky black water (i.e. the sea at night) and who knows what is hiding in there! Also, it's quite deep so I can't actually put my feet on the bottom...

"Cool" cars

In general, the cars here are quite entertaining - we reckon about 20% of the cars on the road are Kia Sportage, which is almost as huge as a Jeep Patriot (and there are lots of those too). In any event, a huge contrast to what we'll be buying... something as small as possible so that we (Bruce) can actually park it.

That said, we have spotted a lot of "really cool" cars driving around - mix and match colour combos, amazing numberplates (we will have to get one that has a blue picture of the island in the background and "Another World" written across it) and so on. But the most entertaining part is that it seems to cool to have words across the part of the windscreen across the top (where the tinted bit would be) - I tried to Google what the name of that is, but with no luck. Anyway, some of our favourite sightings to date include:

• Peace and Love... Right On!
• STATUS (that guy thought he was super cool)
• She's Royal (that one is also half purple and half black and also looks like it has writing across the side
• In His Time (presumably that's God's time)
• It's a Family Affair
• Pumpkin Girl (inexplicable!)
• Don't Worry, God is in Control (on a bumper sticker)

Do you think Bruce would let me put one on our car.... perhaps saying "Meeeeeoooow"?

Ladies stay fabulous

In general, the bus drivers here are extremely courteous... everyone says good morning/afternoon/evening when you get on the bus (we have to check our watches around noon to ensure we get it right) and the bus driver says the same to you. And then everyone says thank you when they get off the bus and the driver says you're welcome to every single person. We even got a "have a blessed day" the other week.

Today my bus driver even went so far as to call me gorgeous twice in the space of a 5 minute journey - this makes a remarkable contrast to the comments directed at me by my husband on a regular basis... last night he told me that my hair was looking like a fuzz ball. Charming. Anyway, the absolute best thing about today's bus journey was the sign with the bus driver's name (which is at the front of every bus).... which said "Your professional driver is [insert name]" and underneath it said "Ladies stay fabulous". AMAZING.

Chingas.... I have a lot of new wurds to learn...

We have been rather enjoying the Bermudian accent so far, but we are also finding that there are quite a lot of new words for us to learn as well as learning to be uber-polite to everyone. For some examples, see the link below:

How to speak Bermudian

We are trying to say "Chingas!" as much as possible and we always walk "down de heel" rather than down the hill now.

One that isn't on the list (I think) is lobster, which basically means a tourist. We initially thought that this is because all the tourists get pretty sunburnt, but we are (reliably) informed that it's actually because "all de meat is in de tail"...

Proud to be Bermudian...

This music video is amazing and the very nice lady that sits next to Bruce in the office was one of the executive producers of it (she also has about nine cats, but that's another story). Bruce quite likes to sing along with it (it's very catchy)...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frydTHUf1Ws

My favourite bit starts at about 3:11 (From the white rooftops, pink and blue bus stops, in my Bermy shorts with my knee high socks and I'm in the Bermy flow, people smile and say hello...)

We showed this to my parents while they were staying with us and my mum's response was "We should have something like this for Britain... Proud to be English". Oh dear.

Office attire, supermarket shout outs and a modern pirate

Good news - it looks to be (almost) certain that I am going to have job. So I will no longer have to write "housewife" next to occupation on application forms, and I'll only have two days a week to spend writing my novel (watching things on Netflix) once my work permit is sorted out (i.e. in 2 months time).

Office attire

Today I went to the office to meet a few people and find out some more about what they do/what I'll be doing. Everyone is really nice and friendly, but there were two clear highlights to my visit:

1. The HR lady I was meant to meet was off sick so couldn't make our 10am meeting. However, she had just slept off her headache and was in the office by 11:15am, when she called me to catch up. Like that would ever happen in the UK.

2. I met a manager in the tax team who is from the US and was wearing shorts with long socks. And if that wasn't amazing enough, the shorts were quite a bright shade of yellow! He is basically Bruce's fashion hero.

Actually there was also a third remarkable thing - my Bermuda boss has a Nespresso machine... but you can't buy the pods for it here, so they have to stock up whenever they go to New York. Ridiculous.

Only in Bermuda...  

Last week I was highly amused to hear a birthday shout out... in the supermarket... for a customer. Going to have to make sure that they know when it's my birthday!

At the weekend, we also saw someone in the mall queuing up to speak to CableVision. And he had a bird perched on his shoulder... I don't think it was exotic enough to be a parrot, but it looked a bit like the bird that Brett gave Libby on Neighbours (Dahl?) about a million years ago.

Excuse me, that's a coat, not a bag!

Most awkward Bermuda experience to date: 

Yesterday the packer at the supermarket decided that my coat (at the bottom of my rucksack) was a bag. So she packed up my rucksack and put the rest of the things in the middle of my coat, and then bundled it up so I could carry it. I was left with a rucksack half full of stuff and tuna and sweetcorn etc in the middle of my coat... 

She was surprised when I explained that it was a coat, not a bag. 

Strange bars, "fake" tan and remarkably insecure banking

Bars

One of Bruce's colleagues recommended somewhere for happy hour on Friday, at the back of a little café in town. Turns out that you had to buy tickets for your drinks (a bit weird), and then there was virtually no one there (it was quite early), but there was a middle aged man doing the DJing, which was super loud. And he was doing shout outs. We left after one drink.

We then went to a 'pub', where the barman hissed at Bruce when he ordered our drinks and an elderly gentleman told us that if we were going to get divorced it would be much better for Bruce if we did so in Bermuda rather than in the UK.

"Fake" tan

My feet basically look like I've put fake tan on them really badly. I've been wearing the same pair of sandals pretty much every day, so I have odd white marks across my feet and some of my toes are half tanned, half white as ever. It looks completely ridiculous - unless I just keep wearing the same shoes...

My hair is also a bit of a disaster - it's now so curly and frizzy that I have 3 - 4 inches of extra head width on both sides of my head. Bruce now likes to tell me that I look very hairy; I have such a nice husband.

Banking

Convinced that this must be a hotbed of credit card fraud - not only do they not have chip and pin here, but no one even checks that your signature matches the one on your card. In fact, the person on the till doesn't even get a look at your card at all... you swipe it yourself and sign on an electronic keypad thing most of the time.

When the trip to the supermarket is the most productive thing you do all day...

... supermarket finds suddenly become the highlight of your day (excluding your husband getting home from work - obvs!). 

I'm not sure if it's just because we have gotten so used to just ordering from Ocado/Waitrose and it's actually been ages since I have had a proper wander around a supermarket, but some of the stuff you can buy is amazing! Fun finds include: 

• Teabags - eggnog flavour anyone?! I have also found red velvet flavour and black forest flavour - which both sound delicious too. 
• Reese's Pieces cereal - I think Bruce will judge me if I actually buy this 
• Whipped peanut butter and chocolate in one - completely delicious 
• Jelly instead of jam (guava jelly is yum)
• Jello 
• Really cool pink and white striped milk cartons - but apparently some of the milk starts out as skimmed milk, and then to get it up to the required fat content, they add vegetable oil - yuck! 
• An extensive selection of baked bean varieties - mostly including some type of bacon, but you can also buy honey baked beans, which sounds weird! 
• Appetizers for your cat - I thought the steamed tilapia sounded (and smelled) really nice, but Daisy and Bert weren't that keen. They quite like wild salmon florentine though!

There's also a LOT of out of date stuff on the shelves, so if you aren't careful, you buy ridiculously overpriced stuff that's already out of date. It's also funny what they don't have in stock - on a Monday, there is never any chicken available. 

Ridiculous things I have discovered about Bruce in Bermuda:

• He thought Jane Austen was the name of a book
• He thought water had to be boiling for it to evaporate
• He doesn't know how Beauty and the Beast ends
• He has attempted to get on a school bus on more than one occasion
• He has broken both a very expensive cat tree and our french press through a sheer lack of common sense
• He would like to be able to sing like a girl
• He doesn't know the difference between the washing machine and the dryer

The downsides to Facetiming your family

1. You have to actually look like you're listening
2. You can't really multitask
3. You can't hit mute and secretly have a conversation about something else

AND...

4. You can tell when they are actually more interested in watching The Voice (which they have on in the background) than talking to you - apparently it was super intense when Kylie was picking in The Battles round!

We love you HGTV!

HGTV is, quite possibly, the best tv channel ever. And that's even with a stack of MTV channels in Spanish (Teen Mom 2 anyone?)...

Our (my) favourite programmes include:

• Property Brothers
• Flip Or Flop
• Love It Or List It
• Love It Or List It Too
• House Hunters
• House Hunters International
• Property Virgins

These programmes are on back-to-back ALL DAY LONG. Sadly I've already hit my first repeated programme.

From these intellectually challenging programmes, we now have a good understanding of what makes a good house:

1. Massive "chef's kitchen", with granite countertops, double oven, colossal fridge and a huge island
2. A "master suite", complete with it's own deck/balcony and huge master bathroom (with a double vanity, naturally!)
3. Hardwood flooring throughout

Regardless of the rest of the property, if a house has these three things, the buyer will love it in absolutely all cases. If it doesn't have any one of these things, the buyer won't buy the house (unless it's Property Brothers and it's a "reno"). Oh, and you only need to see three houses in order to find your dream home - it's compulsory to actually buy a house at the end of the programme.

"Classic" HGTV moments to date:

1. The utter confusion of an American relocating to Dublin when faced with a sink with a separate hot and cold tap with no mixer.
2. A couple finding the house hunt too stressful actually breaking up on the programme. Obviously the realtor got them back together... and actually said that the last time she and her husband bought a house, they actually broke up for a brief period too!

I never knew that greetings cards could be so entertaining

On Friday, we must have spent at least 20 minutes browsing the greetings cards in one of the department stores... and the amount of times we burst out laughing was pretty embarrassing! 

Over here you can get cards for every possible person in your life and the overwhelming majority are filled with pre-printed gushing words to express how much you love your mom/dad/sister/brother etc. I don't think we saw any with the classic British approach of 'blank for your own message'. I was astounded that you can get mother's day cards to send to your sister, your aunt, your niece etc etc. But by far the best category was the 'former mother-in-law' category... with a suitable gushing poem inside.

I think it's fair to say that all the 'special people' in our lives will be getting rather more cards than usual over the next year... and they will be as ridiculous as possible.

When are you going to buy a boat?

Two weeks in and we finally have a reasonable amount of food in the cupboards, tv and internet are set up and we have a Bermudian bank account... but we haven't been for a swim in the pool yet and we still haven't set foot on a beach!

Shopping

Although we can get Waitrose stuff (and random ASDA things sometimes), we are definitely missing having food delivered. Without a car or bike (scooter) yet, I am going to Lindos (the supermarket) everyday to fill up my rucksack, but you need to go quite regularly anyway because fresh stuff has a short shelf life as it first has to be shipped in from the US. The prices of lots of things are also astounding - one orange pepper was $3.50, a large pot of yoghurt is c. $6.50 and a loaf of bread is around $5 - $6... having said that the wine seems to be not too bad...

Eating out

... is like stepping back into the 90s... you seem to be able to get sushi pretty much anywhere... as my mum would say it is 'all the rage'. The food is really nice though - we ate guinea chicks (like a really small lobster) last Friday and we went out for dinner last week with Bruce's colleagues and had a really nice meal (including sushi - obvs) at Harbourfront, where Bruce's boss actually has an entrée named after him!

We have also eaten in an Irish sports bar... just the type of place Bruce would never set foot in back at home. And we are getting quite fond of a dark 'n' stormy (rum and ginger beer) on a Friday evening!

Entertainment

On a similar note, the music on the radio is also very 90s... when we were without tv we had the radio on every evening and at 8pm the dj goes home and they put on a tape including classics such as Everything I Do, Nothing Compares To You and Tearing Up My Heart. And it's the same tape every night. AMAZING.

The news on the radio is also hilarious - the news cycle lasts about three days and there's basically not much of it!

Weather

It's a bit scary that it's early March and its clear blue skies and lovely warm weather outside... it's nice now, but I am not sure how we will cope in the summer months. All the Bermudians can spot the tourists as they are the people wandering around in t-shirts and shorts... Bermudians still have their coats on!

Although it is really nice today, we have also had some big storms and a good bit of 'tank rain' - that's where the rain really comes down and it fills up the tank under the house that is the water supply. It's basically like buckets of water are being poured from the sky - unlike anything we have ever seen in the UK.

Cats

Daisy and Bertie seem to settling in quite well - they haven't been outside yet, but they seem pretty happy with most of the house now and have found themselves some good hiding spots. They are particularly fond of the high shelves in the walk in closet upstairs and up the chimney (it's blocked off so they can't get out)!